Dancing Through Life.

Once a dancer, always a dancer. At least, that's how I was brought up. I went through seven years of dancing, and even a couple years in Broadway Dance Theatre. It's taught me that life is about what you do with what you have, and not what you do with what you might have had.

It's nice to meet you. I'm Joy, currently 16 years old.

Doves.

One thing we all know about doves is that they are a symbol of peace, but did you know that they don’t have peripheral vision? Now, you must be thinking, “Who cares?” Believe it or not, there is a beauty to it being created that way. By not having peripheral vision, they focus on the one thing that they want, a single purpose. I love how they look for their one mate and never get distracted by anyone but “the One”. What I find even more admirable is that if their mate dies, they never remarry, never seek another mate. When I was younger, I believed that there was something like a perfect love. At this age, we all know that there is no such thing as a perfect love. Seeing these little creatures doing something we can’t is awfully saddening but at least now I can watch from afar and have a little hope. 

Reflections.

Why do we enjoy looking at reflections? I think that we often depend on them to tell us the truth, to show us what other people see. But do they tell us the truth honestly? Thinks like lakes and mirrors often distort our reflections and in turn distort what we think of ourselves. But it’s not just lakes and mirrors that do that. Our opinions and biases often act as the ripples that cause our reflections to blur. 

guilty.

guilty.

Happiness.

Recently, I’ve been asked if I was happy. But what does that mean? I think that happiness is not that fleeting amusement you get whenever you smile. I think that true happiness is a more permanent result of contentment. So am I happy? I have no idea. The real question should be: Am I content?

We can’t miss what we’ve never had.


Power.

Or powerless. I despise feeling powerless. I like knowing who’s involved, what’s going on, where’s it’s happening, when it’s happening, why it’s happening and most importantly, how to solve it. I like being prepared for everything and anything. And for the most part, I usually am. But this time I felt powerless and useless because I could do nothing but stay out of the way. One girl was sick, truly sick, unable to move, unable to speak. In general, I help when I can, whether it’s lending a jacket to those who are shivering, or getting a glass of warm water to those who are coughing. I like knowing how to help people. But this time, I didn’t know what to do. Later on in this trip, one boy had a leg cramp that left him wincing in pain. But I didn’t know what to do, how to help. In both cases, all I could do was stay out of the way and hope that they feel better soon. I’ve always hated that feeling and will most likely continue to hate that feeling, but I’m slowly starting to realize that there will always be some things that I will never understand and will never be able to do. 

Night.

We arrived at the site just after the Sun had set. Carelessly, I looked up. After having always living in the suburbs, the clear night sky and the brisk cold air was absolutely breathtaking to me. Now I am more than well aware just how corny that sounds, but looking up at the dark, vast night sky and seeing sparkling stars is a privilege I rarely get. So chuckle at this little girl’s amusement caused by simple things all you want, I was happy to see the stars. 

Introduction.

I don’t think that I should categorize these next few posts as a series simply because I don’t think any of them will be related, besides the location at which they were written. Over the past weekend, I went on a church retreat to Summit Lake Retreat Center. It was a vacation for me so I thought that I might get some writing done. Hope you will enjoy reading these thoughts of mine. 

You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains. You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines. You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too.
I Am Afraid (Korkuyorum)


Pity me not because the light of day
At close of day no longer walks the sky;
Pity me not for beauties passed away
From field and thicket as the year goes by;
Pity me not the waning of the moon,
Nor that the ebbing tide goes out to sea,
Nor that a man’s desire is hushed so soon,
And you no longer look with love on me.

This love I have known always: love is no more
Than the wide blossom which the wind assails,
Than the great tide that treads the shifting shore,
Strewing fresh wreckage gathered in the gales.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.

Edna St. vincent Millay, “Pity Me Not”