Dancing Through Life.

Knowledge. (continued part 3)

I grew up knowing nothing but school. I was taught to believe that school was everything. But now, as my high school years end, I’m starting to realize how small a fraction school occupies in my life as a whole. I’m not saying that school isn’t important, but it’s sometimes important to remember that there is a long and bountiful life beyond school and that school is supposed to enable our lives, to open our minds to new thoughts and new places, and not bind us to routine and conformity.

How did society become so consumed by the thought of college? We see so many middle class mothers driving their children from after school sports straight to volunteering then back home for a quick dinner and then bunkering down to study until midnight. And for what? To go to school, to secure a future. That’s what we always hear. But what happened to passion? What happened to interest? What happened to being better for the sake of being better? I feel that sometimes it’s important to take a step back and remember what it really means to “succeed”. True success, inside and out, can only be found when deviating from the road set for you and paving a new path. This I believe.

Knowledge. (continued part 2)

To be honest, I’m embarrassed. I’m embarrassed because I am so fortunate to have so much, but to do so little with what I have. I don’t want to become better to please my parents or to become what society deems successful. I truly want to become better just for me. I don’t want to find talks led by the experts of their field, boring. I want to have that passion burning to learn more. I don’t want to become one of those people who are all talk and no action. I want to strive to become a better version of me.

In essence, I want to be more. I want to be more than what school deems acceptable. I grew up thinking and believing that school would be the key that unlocks this cage and opens new doors. But now I’m starting to feel like school is like the potion in the Adventures of Alice in Wonderland. I keep on growing up larger and larger, struggling to still fit in the restrictions I was placed under.

Knowledge.

Wasted. That’s what comes to my mind. Nowadays, we have access to nearly everything we could ever possibly need to know at our fingertips. But what do we do instead of exploring and learning? We watch two hour cat videos. We fill our heads with utterly mindless entertainment instead of filling it with actually valuable information. This is not me criticizing the world. This is me criticizing me. I often have plans to go home and be productive, to do all of my work and then some. But what ends up happening is that I get caught up watching television shows or YouTube videos that literally have nothing to do with enriching my life. It seemed so necessary at the time to watch the next episode or to catch up on an old show, but afterwards I feel nothing. Now, I’m not saying that I believe in all work and no play, but what I want to know is if it would be so much to ask to find truly meaningful entertainment.

The Environment You Create for Yourself.

What is one characteristic that people who live happily share? They are surrounded by people who lift them up, who encourage them, who are there for them when they fall and who are there for them even when everything is ok. I’ve always thought that I had made connections like that, connections that I thought would be able to withstand the test of time and the test of arguments, but it seems that those relationships were nothing but a facade that we put on when guests come over or when we go out and meet new people. How do I know that these connections are worthless? Because its end is filled with “You’re not worth the time and energy we spent on you.” “You’re not worth the money that we put into you.” “You are nothing compared to your friends.” “You. Are. Worthless.”

To some, this is an obstacle to overcome, but after a while, I feel like Sisyphus, constantly pushing a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll to the bottom once again. I am resigned. I am resigned to believe every pointed comment that comes from their mouths either in the midst of a heated conversation or when I wanted nothing more but to tell them about my day. I am resigned to believe that I am nothing that I am worth nothing. But even after having been beaten down for so long, there is still that little bit of me that believes that I’m not worthless, that I’m worth much more than the lump sum of money that they “invested” into my upbringing. I can still manage to believe that I will be better, that I will become someone that that they’ll be proud of. But by then, it’ll be too late. Because the environment that I will create for myself, won’t include the very people who have beaten me down for so long.

Britain.

Britain has always inspired me. Many people look at Britain and think that its Golden Age is long gone, but so what? I think that Britain has humbled itself in ways that other countries cannot. Countless of other countries choose to reminisce about their past glories, but not Britain. Britain concentrates on the present and the future. Even though it is not as strong as it once was, it reaches out to help those in need. During World War II, Britain suffered a great deal at the hands of the Germans. The Miracle of Dunkirk was a time when the British troops were stranded between the incoming German troops and the English channel. The British sent all available naval vessels such as merchant ships, fishing and pleasure boats across the channel to the beach of Dunkirk and bring them to safety. I found it so utterly admirable that Britain acted as a family with no ulterior motives but for its people to return safely home.

When Germany launched “the Blitz”, citizens in major cities dove underground for cover. But they were not alone. The British King George VI and Queen Elizabeth both opted to support the Londoners by joining them in the bomb shelters rather than fleeing to the countryside. This especially touched me deeply because I know that many people, including me, would have fled in the face of a much lesser danger. I also found it incredibly inspiring when I saw a picture of a policeman handing a cup of tea to a man whose home was just reduced to ashes. The contrast between the normal and abnormal was astonishing, but amidst the chaos of war, Britain was still a family.

Disillusionment.

Remember back then when you told your five-year-old self that you were going to go to Harvard or Yale and become an astronaut or neuroscientist simply because you heard that they were the most difficult occupations? Remember back then when you had enough self confidence and naivety that you actually thought that if you worked hard enough, you would get everything you worked for? I remember that. However, as time passed, I lost my naivety as I learned more about the world and I lost my self confidence when I realized that there would always always be someone better than me. Having lived such a privileged and protected life, I can’t help but feel helpless when I realize that so many of the principles that I have believed my whole life were actually false. Now I know that even when sacrifices are made, the goal may not be achieved. This entry must sound like such a downer, but it truly isn’t. To all those who can’t help but feel the same way, let me tell you this: some lessons are better learned when there are fewer consequences. It is much better to disillusion yourself now, rather than later. We may never be the best, but that doesn’t mean that we should just give up. We can continue to strive to be the best that we can be and find contentedness and happiness in that. I hope that this entry enlightens those who feel the same way by helping them reevaluate themselves and their goals to see if adjustments are needed, not as a flag of surrender mind you, but as a sign of victory for finally seeing the world and their future for all that it has the potential to become.